Your Worst Client’s Email Has Been Hacked!
Written by Jacob Cass on Thursday, October 9, 2008 – 9:00 am
In this guest article, Mark Obcena gives us a humorous account of what it would be like to be your own worst client. Mark does this by writing in the perspective of the client who is writing an email to another member of staff. You will enjoy this very original article and you may also enjoy some other funny graphic design jokes and parodies.
From: oscar_yourworstclient@flisys.com
To: franklin_seymour@flisys.com
Subject: Logo
Hey Frank! I gave Alice [The Secretary] the go signal to post those ads for the graphic designer to do the logo. She says that we’ll probably have to do interviews next week. I still don’t know why you insisted on replacing the old designer we had. I still think my Tommy made a good job with our logo. Don’t know where he learned using that paint program, but you have to admit, that logo is really good.
So I’ll just keep you posted.
Oscar
From: oscar_yourworstclient@flisys.com
To: franklin_seymour@flisys.com
Subject: Designer Interviews and New Logo
My goodness Frank! You should have been here! Those designers were nuts! Nuts I tell you! I wanted to fire Alice after the last one went out! I don’t know where she got those bozos but they’re crazy!
The first one was this guy from some design firm. I think his name was Barry or Larry or something. Nice guy, wore a suit. So I started asking him questions and looked at their firm’s portfolio. I was impressed actually. Then I gave him the things he needs and a copy of the old logo. And then he asks me whether or not I would like to start the project right away. So I told him yeah we need the logo right away. He said okay and gave me an estimated schedule. Do you know what he tells me? It will take around two to three weeks for the logo to be done! Christ on a crutch! Two weeks??!! I’m not asking him to paint the Mona Lisa! A logo for two weeks??!! My Tommy made the old logo in like, what? Three minutes?
And so I just asked him to leave his card or something to Alice. Then came the next one, some kid named Tristan. A fresh graduate I think, said he was a “freelancer.” He showed me his book with the samples and all. They were good pieces and I told him so, but then I noticed that I didn’t recognise any of the names of the products or the brands and there was this note that said “design concepts” on the samples. So I asked him whether those were for foreign companies. He tells me that they were actually “conceptual designs” - and by that he means that they were just phony companies he did for the book. So I tell him that we can’t hire him because he doesn’t have experience. I mean, he expects us to hire him when he hasn’t even had a real client! And then he goes, “But I thought you said the designs were good?” And I said, “Yeah, but they’re faked, so they don’t qualify.” And I told him that if he really wants to work as a designer, then he shouldn’t go creating designs for non-existent companies. Doesn’t he know he could go to jail for that?! By the way, what are “achers” and why do I need to shove them in my mouth?
The last one was a brunette who works for some other design firm, Pauline. Beautiful girl, though not the smiling type. So I did the same routine, browsed through the book, gave her the details and the old logo. And you know what she did when she saw the old logo? She actually grimaced! A real bitch. But anyway, I overlooked that one because she said that it would take only a week for the logo to be finished. So I said okay, send the designs so I could pick the one I liked. She then tells me that we have to work out a contract first before they can begin working! Mental, right? I mean, what if we didn’t like their work? That would be like buying a car and only getting a test drive when you’ve paid it in full! I told her that and then she begins talking and talking about how it isn’t right to go soliciting work from designers before getting into an agreement. Says that it’s “spec work” or something. I told her, “No that’s assurance. We need to be sure we’ll like your work. For all we know, you could be giving us bad designs.” The bitch stands up, shakes my hand and then leaves! Christ! Where did Alice get these people??!!
Don’t worry. I know you, you’re the worrying type so I took care of everything. Turns out that Bill, the guy from accounting, knows how to do Photoshop so I asked him to make a logo for us. It’s good Frank, it’s really good. I attached the logo so you could see it.
< Super Amateurish Logo Here >
It’s great right? And they tell us you’re the genius..
Oscar
Editors Note: Hope you enjoyed that little parody of the world’s worst client! Please note that all characters were fictional and this article was purely for entertainment purposes only. What do you think? Do you want more of Marks humour?
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By Markus Zilgalvis (3 comments) on Oct 9, 2008 | Reply
This is a Goodie, seeking for more of those
Laughted out my .. here.
Cheers*
By Zach LeBar (7 comments) on Oct 9, 2008 | Reply
i really liked this. its just so sad when big companies, or little companies for that matter, really are clueless when it comes to design. i wish there were public service announcements or something to get message accross that just because you own Photoshop doesn’t mean you are a designer.
illustrator’s way better for logos anyway
By Lis (2 comments) on Oct 9, 2008 | Reply
I love it! Its just so true.
By Jeremy (10 comments) on Oct 9, 2008 | Reply
Very good! Sounds so familiar…
By David O'Neill (1 comments) on Oct 9, 2008 | Reply
Hahahahahaha I have met so many customers like that! it would almost drive one to despair! Hahahaha
Lets see more!
By Olivier (3 comments) on Oct 9, 2008 | Reply
Parody? What parody?
By Dainis Graveris (35 comments) on Oct 9, 2008 | Reply
Funny e-mail stuff..:D Future jokes about graphic designers..:D
By Daniel Richard (8 comments) on Oct 9, 2008 | Reply
Golly! That’s surely a client from hell.
Those designers didn’t get to lay a finger on the project at all and that’s the good part of it. Lol
By Kordump (1 comments) on Oct 9, 2008 | Reply
God that made me angry!!!
By Luke H (2 comments) on Oct 9, 2008 | Reply
Wow, I love it, yes definitely keep posting Mark’s humor
By manau (8 comments) on Oct 9, 2008 | Reply
very funny !!
yeah, unfortunately that kind of “clients” exists in the real world :S
By Mark Obcena (3 comments) on Oct 9, 2008 | Reply
Woah! I didn’t know it was already posted! Hahaha. Thanks everyone. Turns out it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!
Anyway, since I feel that this post lacks too much of the depth as I wanted it to have (you can’t blame for wishing for “depth” in a joke post), I’ve decided to write a series of articles about how to understand bad clients, like my beloved Oscar Flickinger here. It’s in my blog, and the first two parts are already posted.
Here’s a link: Understanding Bad Clients.
Again, thanks everyone!
By Mark Obcena (3 comments) on Oct 9, 2008 | Reply
@Zach: Hah, it’s actually our fault: We Make Everyone Think They’re Graphic Designers
By Max Weir (6 comments) on Oct 10, 2008 | Reply
An nice bit of humor to start my day, thats such a laugh and so true!
By Martin Fonck (3 comments) on Oct 10, 2008 | Reply
I agree with Olivier, What parody?
I live/work in Nicaragua and this is the exact thing that happens in Central America (except maybe in Costa Rica) we have a million Oscars working in all the marketing departments here, they’re all have sons or teenage cousins who “knows” how to use Photoshop and the best of all, they don’t charge a penny for the company!!!
Even worst, there’s a lot of architects and computer programmers (nothing against those careers) who offers Graphic Design services cheapest than cheap…. yes, sorry! I’m a little bit angry… that’s my reality.
Very funny post Jacob, thanks!
By Joshua (2 comments) on Oct 10, 2008 | Reply
Hey, where is the logo?? I wanted to see what Bill from accounting made in Photoshop!
By J.T. Shaver (2 comments) on Oct 11, 2008 | Reply
Haha! This is so true! I was just talking to my coworker about a guy that came in with some notes for a business card scribbled on paper and was APPALLED that he had to pay for the design part of it because “I designed it already”.
Shaver Design - Print, Identity, and Web Design
By NaldzGraphics (10 comments) on Oct 11, 2008 | Reply
lol its fun:)really laughing out loud:)
By Pete (10 comments) on Oct 11, 2008 | Reply
Funny. Nice article to lighten things up a bit. Unfortunately so true.
By Richard (5 comments) on Oct 12, 2008 | Reply
Definitely more!
By Omega (11 comments) on Oct 13, 2008 | Reply
I’ve met so many of these dorks, excellent post!
By Omega (11 comments) on Oct 13, 2008 | Reply
http://www.ladyomega.com/designer.gif
here’s something funny i’ve had for a while in my computer
By Aubrie (1 comments) on Oct 13, 2008 | Reply
Love it! I’m a newbie and even I’ve been through some of this. Please do more in the future!
By Jacob Cass (634 comments) on Oct 13, 2008 | Reply
Thank you very much for your comments everyone and also to Mark for writing the article.
By West Joslyn (1 comments) on Oct 15, 2008 | Reply
Funny write up. It hits the nail on the head with all the classic assumptions of a nightmarish “design ignorant” client.
I would be able to laugh more if it weren’t so common to see!
By Nicholi (2 comments) on Oct 15, 2008 | Reply
Ha! That’s funny. Especially the guy who’s fake designs don’t qualify.